Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the consent of everyone involved.  As of July, 2009 there are estimated to be more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships in the United States.

The defining characteristic of polyamory is belief in the possibility of, and value of, multiple romantic loving relationships carried out “with the knowledge and consent of all partners concerned.” What distinguishes polyamory from traditional forms of non-monogamy (i.e. “cheating”) is an ideology that openness, goodwill, intense communication, and ethical behavior should prevail among all the parties involved. Powerful intimate bonding among three or more persons may occur. Some consider polyamory to be, at its root, the generalization of romantic couple-love beyond two people into something larger and more fundamental.

People who identify as polyamorous typically reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed long-term loving relationships. Those who are open to, or emotionally suited for, a polyamorous lifestyle may be single or in monogamous relationships, but are often involved in multiple long term relationships such as a triad, quad, or intimate network.

In practice, polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized. Ideally they are built upon values of trust, loyalty, negotiation, and compersion, as well as rejection of jealousy, possessiveness, and restrictive cultural standards. Such relationships are often more fluid than the traditional “dating-and-marriage” model of long-term relationships, and the participants in a polyamorous relationship may not have preconceptions as to its duration.

Sex is not necessarily a primary focus in polyamorous relationships. Polyamorous relationships commonly consist of groups of more than two people seeking to build a long-term future together on mutually agreeable grounds, with sex as only one aspect of their relationship.

Polyamory as defined by Wikipedia

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Polyamory as defined by Me, U/us:

For us polyamory, a new concept in our acceptance of life together, is defined similarly to the above.  We love each other.  Deeply.  There is no question of that.  They are loyal to me all the time, but here is a twist for us; because of the D/s side of our relationship I can exert my Dominance as I see fit in all areas.

When I started this journey I had no idea I’d be smashing through so many societal barriers.  It’s a battle I’m proud to say i’ve worked hard on and I think I’ve succeeded in most ways.  Now that my girl is securely in place, and my boy is joining us, we now begin the next chapter of  barrier smashing…  We have not just one thing to get past, but 5, count em, FIVE.  We live in a primarily D/s household, Matriarchal in structure, We’re polyamorous by standard definition, I am considered bisexual because of the relationship with my girl, and have discovered that beyond standard D/s we live in a household of consensual slavery.  WHEW!

So how to describe us to those who ask?

I have no clue.

What I DO know is that everyday I put myself in a “reality” check of sorts.  There are a lot of lives, hearts at stake in this and I do not want harm to come to any of them.  I can completely identify with the part of the definition above : “In practice, polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized. Ideally they are built upon values of trust, loyalty, negotiation, and compersion, as well as rejection of jealousy, possessiveness, and restrictive cultural standards.”

This lifestyle we’ve created for ourselves is exactly that.  They trust me, as they should in their D/s, they love me as they should in O/our polyamory, they love each other (and I them) as we should in our “bi-sexuality”, and they serve me well as they should in their consensual slavery.

It is the most loving relationship I’ve had in my entire life.

I’ve read some blogs, some articles that have scared the bejesus out of me with respect to polyamory.  Part of the problem I feel, is that people place emphasis sometimes unintentionally on a “first” or “second” based on when people joined etc.  There is something of course to be said for history and time, but I personally feel that even though my girl has been with me for nearly two years, that doesn’t make her first.  She gets no different privileges because she’s been here longer.  She may get different leniencies with respect to things that she and I have worked out for her fulfillment, but not because she’s first.

As far as her consensual slavery to me, I view her as somewhat an “alpha” slave in the sense that my house is matriarchal in nature; she is a woman, thus… but that does not in any way demean my boy.  He is just as important in the house, a fact he knows.

It can get all so confusing, and then you have other things daily life, etc that can mire you down in complexities.

I’ve given up reading most of the polyamory articles except when I have the stomach to stand reading about arguements etc. There is some wisdom in these articles, I know.  And I know I’ll experience things just as they will as we go along.  But it is my hope that with our foundational basics we can overcome whatever comes our way with little aggravation.  Hope is good for things like that

But for this blog, it is too O/our hope collectively to provide information to others who may be seeking to learn more, and give perhaps a different view of things.  A  unique one of course, being that it’s O/ours. All of us will post here.  My girl and I maintain our individual blogs as well, (the links are on the sidebar), but my boy will post here soon.  Maybe we too can learn something from this journey and get lucky enough to help anyone else who wishes to read

My motto in the Dominant Muse blog and for my life has been “Freedom without Fear”.  It is perfect.  And for this Blog, representing all of us the motto is two fold:

Freedom without Fear; I will not succumb to the fear that petrifies me in situations where I can stand tall and at least look fear in the eye and say “I WILL live my life and be fulfilled in it”.

Love without Fear; We will love as we know how, striving to live a life centered around this principle and the brightness it truly brings to each of us; knowing that love really is, all that matters. We will stand together without fear of reproach or societal influences and say even just amongst ourselves “WE will live our lives and be fulfilled in our love”

And of course “Carpe Diem” reach for the day and hold it tight, because you never get that day back…enjoy it.

DM

I’ve been sick.  I’m a big baby when I’m sick.  Truly so…  The perfect time for slaves to tend to me

With the advent of boy’s collaring he now gets to see first hand (though not planned) how much of a baby i am when i’m sick   Together with girl and texts, phone, they tended to me perfectly.  She kept him abreast of how I was feeling, told him what I needed.  And when I ordered him to come over Monday night despite his being sick as well, he knew my sickness was serious (though I’m sure girl had a hand in conveying that as well).

My two are wonderful.  girl who stays on the phone just listening to me sleep assuring me that she’s there when I wake up all groggy and suffering from fever.  boy who came at my bidding and has since been doing pretty much anything I’ve asked and dealing with his sickness as well.  Today, though I’m sick (strep yuck!) I feel better, and even more so I feel like this my “vision” is reality and thus, I feel home.

It’s a great feeling.

Now if we could just kick the shit out of this strep we’d be doing fine.  Would a crop suffice do you think? *grin*

Part of the joy of my life, is the moments that catch us unaware.  Things such as an early morning talk with my girl of such great intensity.  Full of ups and downs, vulnerabilities, intimacy, desire…  These are talks that I call “Soul Food”.  Even for the 5 minutes, or however long they last, they fill up a spot in your soul that you weren’t even aware was just waiting to be filled.

Life is full of those little miracles.  They have the potential if you see them to give you such joy.  I never get used to it when they happen nor am I an expert at seeing when they’re coming.  I’m supposed to be this powerful Domme, omnipotent for the most part in my choices, and with a clear (if not sometimes muddy) line of sight to the goal.  But that’s just it!  It catches you unaware and reminds you with it’s surprise what is truly important!

Sometimes I forget just what it’s like to be me.  To remember to align with the feminine divine in me, that fuels who I am and why I’m a Dominant in the first place; because I’m a creature of love. And moments like these reign me in and remind me of simple joy.  The joy of knowing someone so intimately that conversation comes and go as perfectly choreographed as any Opera; precisely as it was meant to.  To recognize that the laughter over a newly found gadget on my cellphone that makes me exclaim “Holy Shitake Mushrooms batman!” and makes us both laugh is just as good food for the soul as the witnessing of those who serve me on their knees shivering in my presence.   To laugh and not care why I’m laughing, to not always HAVE to have a reason for joy, but to just experience it.

I’ve filled my head with so many other thoughts, from other blogs, forums, conference notes this past weekend.  My head is swimming with so many things I never understood others felt, and I feel…comfortable in my knowledge seeking.  Looking in a direction you’ve never embraced before can be frightening, it can be intense enough to become overwhelming and cause you to lose focus.  I’ve been there.  I’ve doubted.  I’ve questioned time and again and yet everytime I do, when I get to my worst about wondering if what I’m doing is right (not Dominance mind you, but the inclusion of two, the social norms we shatter with so many unconventional lifestyles all in one household) I always find these moments of joy waiting for me.  A phone conversation last night that reaffirms that no matter what I think, there are others who know me and know at my core who I am.  A conversation today with my girl about things not said.  A conversation with someone in the past that went better than expected.  Planning for a special day Tuesday.  Even mundane things like “chores” can seem better when your soul is aligned with your heart.

And then, a song that has always touched me since 2006, and has served so many purposes in my “re-awakening” appears on my little phone with such perfect timing.  Couple that with the laughter over the newfound joy in my blackberry and you have one very smiling, happy, JOYFUL Domme, Muse, Owner, Woman…

Seize that joy, let it fill your chakras with the light and joy of simplicity, the innocence of childlike wonder and expand your heart. Let all your doubts and perceived inefficiencies be stripped from you to sit by the roadside for a while, you don’t need to carry them every second of every day.  Let the knowledge of being loved and the joy of Ownership wrap you in the bright joy it is MEANT TO BE.

At times like this, I know what life is all about and why it’s so important to be…alive.

“I do it for the joy it brings, cause I’m a joyful girl. ‘Cause the world owes us nothing, we owe each other the world.” ~ Ani Difranco

What Joy...

Etiquette is a long lost art form.  I speak often about how people speak to each other is important.  This is true not only in language but in body talk.  It is even more true for those who portray grace and exude proper social graces.

I’ve become a follower of the blog “Renaissance Master” because I enjoy the way he speaks of service, among other varied topics.  His latest post is far better worded than what I could hope to convey, and is representative precisely to how I feel.  I hold these same standards he mentions for the very same reasons he mentions them, for mine as well.  They are representative of me when they are out among others.

Renaissance Master – The Power of Etiquette

And because life should be fun, in searching for some videos for other posts I’m working on I came across this one.  The “universal Guide to Dinner Etiquette”, truly a must see.

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” ~ Rabindranath Tagore

As we begin our journey together, one of the things I’m eager to get back into with both of them is the discussion and use of the chakras.  It is something that gives me joy and is very much a part of me.  D/s, polyamory, and all the rest isn’t just about play.  It’s about love and joy.  It’s about connecting.

A wonderful artist whose work I’ve followed since about 1996 has some incredible portrayals of women, life, beauty.  One of his pieces has become the header of his blog.  Take a moment to view the incredible talent he has and celebrate the beauty that can be evoked with a paint brush, imagination and out of love…

The Blue and the Red